Despite Elliot and Sofia's best efforts, were only 25% closer to meeting our goals. I swear Kelly Viridi- you better not give out on me. At least SOMEONE Is making some real life-progress. Although- I don't see Scarlet as someone who gives the most compassionate advice. Well I guess I don't have to ask how work went today- why the long face Miss Scarlet? "I HATE my job. Nothing but constant whining- 'Oh Scarlet, my life is sooooo awful', 'Oh Scarlet, how do I get Eric to like me?', 'Oh Scarlet, I think my wife doesn't appriciate me' Boo freakin' hoo, how about you put on your adult pants and get your shit together?" Advice columnist of the year everyone. This is what you wanted. "NO. I wanted to be an author- a creative type. If I wanted to listen to everyone elses whining all day I'd be a doctor." Well...I don't think you've really pinned down a genre that appeals to your specific temprement yet. It looks like the only person who's really living the easy life around here is Mango. Hahahahaha- Hey Kelly- do they make pills for CAT SCRATCH FEVER?! Hahahahaha "I hate you." Hahahahhahaha "Ok- how about this one? I've got a really good feeling about this one!" Yeah.....I don't children's books are your strength. You know what- how about we forget the books for now- Paola wants to hit the festival. "Nah, that sounds lame." Oh come on Miss Scarlet, You don't want to miss the Humor and Hijinks festival, this is an oppotunity that only comes around 12, maybe 11, times a year. "Ugh. Fine." Who looks sad at a festival- wipe off that angry face Missy. It's a whole festival dedicated to being terrible to everyone- it's like your bread and butter! Nothing says fun quite like a mysterious purple liquid from a public fountain. "Don't I know you?" "Yeah, I don't think so. I think I'd remember meeting someone who looks like they stepped off the Chinese leg of a Kanye West tour." And that's one point for the tricksters. "Oh wait- that's it- your that crazy chic that Jamie was seeing awhile back." Oh honey no. You really don't know who you're talking to. "Excuse me?! I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that the lovechild of Yoko Ono and a Sunglass hut was apt to giving me updates on my relationship." Damn. And that's two points. "I don't give a shit what you think about me- I know what I heard. He told me he dumped you like three months ago." Keep your cool Scarlet- public assault will not solve anything. "I don't what you think you heard, but I am currently dating Jamie Tam. And I have better things to do than waste my time or energy on you. Farewell." 'atta girl Scarlet. Keep it classy- she was probably lying anyway- just trying to get under your skin. "You're right. I mean- he knows my ONE rule. And Jamie isn't always the brightest bulb in the pack- but he has to have some sense of self-presevation. He wouldn't cheat- not if he knows what's good for him." Well as long as you keep it within the legal parameters. "No promises." You know- I honestly forgot you were even dating Jamie. "Well, I am." That's you're choice Scarlet, but I'd keep my options open. If any of what she said turns out to be true...... "Which it's not." Well if it is- keep your eyes open. You can do better anway. Plus, you never know when your future will find you. While Scarlet is at work giving questionable advice and writing even more questionable children's books, I thought we'd check in on Kelly. Looks like we have guest(s) today. Wow- Elliot and Sofia really waste no time. And I'm okay with that- both Kelly and I need those grandbabies- so keep 'em coming! Career advancement is all about putting yourself first- suck it Carol. Another lovely day in San Myshuno. Scarlet, you have a job so why are you begging for tips? "I'm not begging. I'm performing." Yeah- without pay and without a manager. You're on the street. "Must you always be such a downer?" I prefer the term 'realist' and Uh-oh..... "What?" Uhhhhh- nothing. What's that concerto you like called again? "What the HELL? JAIMIE?" I guess you really underestimated his levels of self-preservation. "What the fuck was that? I have ONE rule Jamie. ONE. I know that being a full time 'beat dropper' really takes a lot out of you, but I know if doesn't effect your damn hearing." "It wasn't like thaaaat- she's just a friend babe." "Don't 'babe' me you asshat- I know what I saw. This isn't the first time I've seen it, I just ignored it because I thought you were smarter than that. APPARENTLY I was wrong." "Look- it's nothing. Just some chic on the street. You know you're the one I come back to- so why does it matter?" "WHY DOES IT MATTER? Are you kidding me? You know what-no. Forget it. I'm DONE. I was doing you a favor- but I can do SO. MUCH. BETTER. And who THE HELL wears cuffed pants and striped socks. I wasn't aware you could be an understudy for the damn 'Wiggles' and still find a date." Oh burn. You tell him Scarlet. "Oh give it a rest Scarlet. I'm so sick of this crap. You know what- I did not cheat on you with that girl on the bridge. But was GOING to. And she's not even the first. You are actually insane- it was cute for like the first week, but we're not kids anymore and it's not cute. It's weird. YOU are weird." Oh hell no- are you going to take that from going to take that from a coiffed nerd in striped socks? "Not. Even." Soooooo...are we going to talk about what happened last week? I mean lucky for you the cops are huge fans of you moms' livestream. And Jamie won't press charges- what with your dad being an actual bodybuilder. Turns out he can be quite menacing when he's not talking about fruit. "Go away. I'm busy." I can see that. Oh yeah- and then there was that protest you started outside his house. "What- I just felt like the world needed to know about global warming. And also cheating assholes. Don't blame me for caring about my community." If that's what you wan't to call it. All I'm saying is that you're pursuit of romantic revenge is starting to look less like an Adele ballad and more like a Taylor Swift fever dream. "Everyone moves on in their own way. Eventually I'll get it out of my system." I hope so- I don't think an autograph is going to fix it next time. Well, at least there's one couple around here that's working out well. I never thought I would really come to appricate your simple, uncomplicated, value. And look who's out of the unitard! Congratulations Squarechin! Okay- that's it. It's been three months- you 've done nothing but work, write bad fanfiction and eat grilled cheese. You are leaving this house and doing something fun. I only push because I care. "I'm fine. And I'll have you know it's only been TWO months." GET OUT. Look at that- you're already smiling. "Okay, I suppose you have a small point. It is nice to be out of the house." Told 'ya so. Don't look now- I think you're getting checked out by a ghost. "Yeah....no. I'm not into necrophilia." Dance floors and alcohol- always agreat mix. BOTTOMS UP. OH! Don't look! "What, where?" It's that guy- the dude from the festival. "Huh? Oh- that guy. That dweeb was on the jokester side. Not my type." Come on- he's cute. Just go over there. "Whatever, if it will shut you up." *seven martinis later* "...and THAT's when she realized all the dishes were glued together." "Hahahaha- that's fantastic! You're telling me you never got caught?" "Well, when you do it right- you never do." "So are you new to the area or what? I've seen you around." "Checkin' me out huh?" "I never said that." "You didn't not say that." "Whatever- answer the question." "Yeah, I just moved here from Sunset Valley. Wanted more opportunities you know? Not a whole lot going on in my town." "Understandable." "What about you? I don't see many beautiful women walk into clubs alone around here- what's your story?" "Well.....I was dating this guy since high school....but he cheated on me. So....I had to get out- you know?" "Damn-that sucks. I hope he got what was coming." "Oh don't worry- he did." I think both Jamie and his hospital bills would agree with that statement. "I gotta go- I have work in the morning. But it was cool hanging with you.....Scarlet, right?" "Indeed it is.... James." "For what it's worth- anyone who would cheat on a girl like you is an idiot." Aaaaaaand- cue the swooning. I'd call tonight a success.
"Me too. I haven't had that much fun in a long time." And that guy.......I think you hit it off....... "Oh shut up." Come on..........you liked him...... "We'll see."
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About MeI am a elementary school teacher who loves bad puns and terrible movies. Archives
November 2019
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