"Okay little Paolocita, welcome to big girl-hood." Llamacita...Paolocita...what does he call Elliot? Sonito? "What's it to you? I think it's cute." Isn't he Italian? "Whatever. I'm just glad we're moving things along, I can't handle having all these toddlers around. I love my kids, but I'll love them even more when they're all somewhere else for seven hours a day." Mother of the year everyone. That's the goal- find someone who looks at you the way Paola looks at her blocks. "Earth to Major Elliot- coming in for a landing!" Toddlers are insane, but the cute. THE CUTE. I CAN'T. Speaking of children, Miss Scarlet Viridi has become a child, and with it has rolled the 'mean' trait. HA. And you thought she was a handful before. "I don't think any of my kids are mean." You weren't saying that yesterday. "She's such a leader. She'll be president one day- just you wait." Wow, those maternal nostalgia goggles really kicked in quick didn't they? Family dance party! Always a good time! Awwwww. Unsupervised toddlers eating tacos and watching South Park. I love family traditions. Okay Miss Scarlet, and what might you be doing on this fine day? Playing pirate? Making Friends? "Nope. I'm royal navy. That guys the pirate." What guy? AH. When you get home, your mother needs have a long talk with you about the concept of 'stranger danger'. "Meh. I could take him." Well you certainly have your fathers confidance. That's for sure. Don't give me that look Kelly Viridi, I'm not her parent. I'm more like a cool aunt. "Funny. Because to me you're more like a virulent curse." *shrug* We're cool. "...and THEN he was like- there's no way you'd actually blow up the Hoover Dam, and then I was like- UM with enough C4 you most definitley could." What are they teaching in schools these days? And why are you telling all this to BLARFFY? "He's a great listener." Okay. I'm gonna go away now. You frighten me. And then there's Paola. Sweet, zen little Paola. You never give anyone any grief do you darling? "Bow." Wiser words were never spoken. "And that's when the banana king surrendered the village and the mystical crab person became the ruler of all. The End." It is 11am on a Wednesday young man. It is too early to be pub crawling. AND ALSO YOU ARE NINE. "Yeah and so Misty was all there's no such thing as the 'perfect' murder weapon. And I was all like 'um no' have you heard of an icicle. I saw it on the Discovery Channel." I'm starting to think you're in with a bad crowd of friends Miss Scarlet. Huh Kels. You've got quite a ways to go before moving forward with that. But at least you've finally made some friends who 'get' you. "Shut up." What's with the million dollar baby routine? Are you prepping for Creed 2? "I'm just trying to deal with some of this baby weight, I mean I did pop out three kids in what felt like a single week. .......yeah. Felt like. That's it. And how is that working for you? "To be honest, nothing really seems to be helping." Yeah, well I think I know why. "DAMN IT." "I AM BRAVE. I AM BRUISED. THIS IS WHO I'M MEANT TO BE..." THIS IS ME! Whoops. Sorry bud, I love that song. When did you age up? You've really been flying under the radar haven't you Sir Elliot? "I think Scarlet might be planning a national crime heist, so it seemed like a good plan. Smart Boy. And amazing taste in shirts. Looks like you've gained the 'self assured' trait. Though I guess you'd have to be to pull off those pajamas. "And THAT's how we'll store all the explosives in Mount Simmore." Someone told me it's smarter not to witness anything. You live longer. "At least one of my siblings is normal." Yeah, Paolas a real sweetheart. "This is Summer." WOT. *furiously checks sim panel* Huh. Okay. So this is Summer Viridi everyone. She's a hat person. Also, she's angelic. "...and that's why we never play in the road." "...'cus bears?" "Because bears." Sometimes I really wonder about you Kelly. "Mom?" "......." "Mooooom?" "Huh?" "I think you need a nap. You've been staring at that map of Croatia for like 10 minutes." "Yeah I agree." Oh Kelly. *cue studio audience laughter* YOUNG MAN. It is 4am. YOU ARE A TERRIBLE INFLUENCE.
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About MeI am a elementary school teacher who loves bad puns and terrible movies. Archives
November 2019
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